Sunday, February 28, 2010

Fucking disappointed in myself.

Grrrr...8:16 AM

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

Almost a month have passed. I pulled through. But, What about the subsequent ones?

I hate my everyday now, except for the nights. Constantly thinking of you every, single minute. This feeling is fucking terrible. Do you know? Have you forgotten everything...? Have you? If not, please, stop this shit and let eveterrything returns to it's orginal place. Stop this. Stop this. Just fucking stop this. I can't take it anymore. Don't you feel anything? Can you put yourself in my shoe? This is really unfair to me.

I don't even blame you for all these. What makes you different from other T** T***** fuckers? But, I don't even put the blame on you. Instead, I shouldered all the fucking blames on me. Why is it that you get to decide what you want, and not I, having the rights to disallow you doing that? If you still have a heart, you will realise that I have been lowering my pride all this while, taking all the blames and apologising to someone whom I don't even think I was at fault with. Why? TO SALVAGE THE FUCKING SITUATION. And you fucking bear to do this to me?

Since that incident. Who is the one who has been affected the most? Who cried the most? He may say that wow, "I wanna' die", but, seriously? For me, yes. If you want me to prove it to you, I will. Depite all these, I have to fucking study for my examintations, in that state of mine. You think it feels good? You told me it will be unfair to him, what about me? In addition, the amount, or the length of time spent. Lastly, The Reponsibility. You know what you have done, and, only you are allowed to do it.

I feel that I'm no longer in control of my mind anymore. I feel that I gonna' explode any time soon. Yet, I try my best to hold on, to that faith of ours'. Can you feel it? I can.

Stop this fucking shit. Discontinue what ain't supposed to even progress and move on from where you originally belong.

Please.

P.S: Sorry for the abusive word used. I don't give a fucking damn.

Grrrr...2:36 AM

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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Disappointed. With what you told me just now.

What have I exactly not done enough? Did i betray you? Did I do anything unfaithful to you? Did I do anything serious enough to have made you to do this to me? This is fucking unfair. Somehow, it feels like everything's my fault, it feels like shit.

Just when I finally gained back my appetite to eat something, you said all those things to take it back.

It's hilarious how a all high and mighty person like me turns into an emo freak. Yes, my life is affected that much. I have lost all self-worth.

Right now, it may sound silly but,
I wanna' die to an accident.
I wanna' die to anorexia.
I wanna' die to unable to capture your heart.
I wanna' die to missing you too much.
I wanna' die, for my world is falling apart.

Crimson tears run down my arm, all the pain and all the harm. My only way to let it out, I wanna scream, I wanna shout. But I don’t make a sound, I keep it inside. I wanna break out, but instead I hide. I sit in my room, and hide in my shell. The life that I’m living, my own private hell. The crimson tears, down my arm they run. I look down at my arm, what have I done?

I know some people must be gloating over it. But I don't give a fucking damn.

You know I won't give up, because you are my happiness and I'll continue to pursue it. I love you.


Reminiscing.


I am trying very hard.

Grrrr...2:20 AM

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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I can't be possessive towards you, neither can I have the 'heck-care' attitude towards you. Because either way, I'll lose you.

"Tell me what to say, so you don't leave me."

I really really really love you alot. Sigh. ):

I can't lose you, get it?

Grrrr...6:00 PM

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There can only be two persons in a relationship.

Leave my D_D alone. ):

Grrrr...3:21 AM

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Sunday, February 21, 2010

I can't lose you. For if I do, my world will fall apart. Because, I really really, really, love you alot.

Past lifetime, I probably chosed you. This lifetime, I choose you. Next lifetime, I'll choose you again.

Grrrr...8:01 AM

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Nobody knows that I'm just putting on a brave front. Deep inside, I'm feeling lost. I need you. Don't ever leave me again after this okay?

I may not get to see you as often as I'd like, I may not get to hold you in my arms at night, but deep in my heart I know that it's true. No matter what happens... I will always love you.

Grrrr...3:35 AM

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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Birds Have Feelings Too.

Birds have feeling like us too. These series of photos are telling the suffering of a poor bird shocked with his partner’s fatal injury.

His wife is injured and the condition is fatal.


Here he brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion.


He brought her food but shocked to find her dead. He tried to move her.


Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cried with adoring love.


He stood beside her, saddened of her death.


Finally aware that she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.


Why is this so? The Faith.


By, FD.

Grrrr...9:49 PM

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If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.
- Lord Alfred Tennyson

Grrrr...9:33 PM

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** ** teared while asking me to see a doctor. I'm useless.

Just one more day, I will pull through.. I will..

Grrrr...9:03 PM

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My body is getting weaker though. Everywhere hurts.

Thanks Navin for accompanying me both phsically and through phone till... I just got to hold on.

Grrrr...7:54 PM

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Things are getting better. Had a much better sleep last night. I hope this carries on forever..

Grrrr...7:07 PM

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Just saw all my ang pows" on one side of the table and I realised that this is my first time not opening all to see how much I have gotten.

Just just now, I cried while having dinner with my family. I knew if I cry in front of them, they will definitely be worried. But, I couldn't control it.

I hope all these will end soon.

I'm still waiting.

Grrrr...6:01 AM

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Monday, February 15, 2010

It has been the fourth day. I'm glad that I spent my yesterday with Navin though. He really accompanied me throughout the night. Thanks, bff.

But what should I do later? My mind just kept running wild. I couldn't concentrate on anything and I just can't get anything right.

Exams next week, I'm screwed.

My life's is a mess right now. I know I could only wait, and I will.

Grrrr...7:39 PM

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The faith is still there. I know it is there. I know.

Grrrr...1:48 AM

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

My head hurts.
My eyes hurt.

My Heart Hurts.

It's enough. Please... Just come back, won't you?

Grrrr...6:23 PM

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It's only the second day of Chinese New Year. I can't take it anymore.

Everything, please come back to me.

Grrrr...5:26 PM

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It has been a torturous two days. I practically don't have the mood to do anything, not even eat nor sleep. It's really terrible. I have never felt like this before. Never. it couldn't be any worse. If anyone is telling me you have a breakdown, I can tell you it would not be as bad as mine.

Whatever that person said is not true.

However, what you told me assured me. I have faith in us.

I pray that everything would be alright. For that to happen, I'm willing to do anything. I meant anything. I just can't afford to lose something that precious. No, I can't.

Grrrr...2:42 AM

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Saturday, February 13, 2010

Please tell me, it's just a nightmare. Please..

Grrrr...1:52 AM

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If it's just a nightmare. God, it's enough. Return me whatever was mine. Please.

Grrrr...1:29 AM

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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

@Starbucks now! 6.30pm.

Awesome day for me today I would say. Had POA revision class, and i hereby declare.. I'M IN LOVE WITH MY POA TUTOR! Anyone taught by herher will know why. SHE IS FUCKING AWESOME! *grins*

After that, went to Ichiban Sushi for lunch with Weijie! Weijie ordered some weird beef curry thingy; nice lorr, andI, unagi tamango don, cannot remember if it's spelled this way. Damn shiok lorr, got like damn alot of unagi on top of the glutinous with scrambled egg! Very chio! The sushies' filled with fillings too! Ichiban! *thumb's up*


Weijie had class at 7 and so I was left alone. Went to shop for polo tee for dad. Not bad uhh. After a long long lonnnnngggg time, I bought a gold lion polo tee for dad! Not cheap lo! $60++ lehh! I bought it for $30 though. HAHA. Well, money isn't really an issue, what's most important is the thought that counts, right dad?

Starbucks starbucks starbucks! Drank White Choc Mocha. Still, I think IGTL and CF are so much better, or rather, the best. WELL, MY PREFERENCE OK. BTW, YAP QING WEI. If you ever see this, gimme' back my kopi! HAHA!

Things that partially ruined my day.

1. Bus 156 took around 30 mins to arrive.
2. After waiting for approx. 20 secs outside the bus, driver finally shouted for the people to move in. Upon boarding, I saw damn a lot of empty seats lorr! Wth. To people who love to occupy the outer seats and refuse to move your smelly butt in, Selfish Selfish Selfish! Fart on your faces! *rolled eyes*
3. As I struggled to walk out of the train, this fat lady elegantly walked to one side, and I meant literally! Come on, the train was already so packed and you thought you were walking down red carpet; Fcuk off and don't be in the way! Screw you! Not literally.

P.S. I was told to change my so-not-cool blog skin. LOL. MEAN lorr. Any suggestions?

Grrrr...3:08 AM

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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Back blogging! As you can see, the huge gap between the date of this entry and my previous one, it has been a long time since I last blogged!

Had been really busy due to poly work. (Whoever says poly is slack, screw you)

However, bad timing! Not much time left for blogging for now as I'm going out real soon!

Before I leave, here's a joke about Muthtu which I found while surfing the web. Enjoy! :DD


Everybody has been talking about this Muthu guy. But is this how he looks like?

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*
Interviewer : “What is your birth date?”
Muthu : “13th October.”
Interviewer : “Which year?”
Muthu : “Every year.”

* MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview….
“Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?”
Muthu replied: “P-O-S-T-B-O-X.”

* MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, “Do I look like a foreigner?”
Wife: “No! Why?”
Muthu : “In London , a lady asked me, ‘Are you a foreigner?’…that’s why.”
Wife : ?????????

*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village… and Muthu said .. “No sir, only babies were born here.”

*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to “WALK! WALK!” The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it’s second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn’t walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, “I found it. If we cut a cockroach’s four legs, it becomes deaf.”

*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. Muthu shouted, “You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive.”

* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed towards the signboard
“* WASH BASIN * “

*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER – FINAL PART*
Interviewer : “Just imagine you’re in the 20th floor of a building and it’s on fire. How will you escape?”
Muthu: “It’s simple.. I will just stop my imagination.”

*Oh… Lest I forget …………. the funniest…*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why ????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read “*PRESS*” pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him… and he did it!

Must be laughing right! Buay ta han!

Grrrr...12:46 AM

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